Blog? Sure, why not?!

So I have decide to start a blog. Now what?

Deciding what to write about for your first blog post is difficult. Do you just jump right in or do you slowly ease your way in? Hmm.

Well, I recently watched a movie where a blog was suggested to a girl who was just getting out of high school and had decided to “take some time off to find herself” and this got me thinking… While no I’m not just getting out of high school, why not share MY experiences? The good, the bad and the ugly? I have A LOT of thoughts and opinions that go through my head every day. A lot. I need to put them somewhere, right?!

I know what you’re thinking… “What about Facebook, InstaGram and Twitter or maybe a friend or a boyfriend?” I have a best friend but you can’t REALLY tell them everything. Boyfriend? Hmm, I’m sure we’ll get into that later. Facebook, IG and Twitter? You most definitely cannot write what is really on your mind on those sites. Not really. People judge you. People judge you all of the time. Especially those who you know personally. You know the ones. Those people who say “You can talk to me about anything” and then the second you walk away they tell their other friends or your other family members. Come on, I can’t be the only person with “those” people in my life and quite frankly social media just sucks anymore. It’s the same shit over and over, day in and day out. I could start a journal but where is the fun in only me knowing the thoughts in my head. Seems a little pointless to me. But here? Here, I can write what I really want, what I really feel. You also might be thinking “who cares?” Well, someone might and if you don’t then you can stop reading. If you do, WELCOME!

What my world looks like through my eyes.

Here is a little background on me. I am a 30-year-old female with 3 children, a decent job and am currently a college student (I know, I know.. sounds like an old school AOL chat introduction). My boys (yes, I have three charmingly crazy sons) are most definitely my world and everything that I accomplish is because I have them looking at me day in and day out to see what’s right and what’s wrong. I worry constantly about them and their opinion of life and of me. I want to give them every thing and anything they want and need. A better life than I lived up until this point. So, I do what I have to do at all times, no matter what the cost or consequence is to show them what a strong, independent woman is supposed to look and act like. To show them what a real parent is. Sometimes I’m winning and a lot of times I lose but I go to bed every night knowing that they are okay and they love me. So that’s something.

But hey, I am only human. I am only woman. I make mistakes, I have a lot of secrets. I am passionate. I can be needy. I can be catty in my own way but I absolutely hate catty women (rolls eyes). I am ambitious, independent, overwhelming, balanced yet beautifully unbalanced. I can be really insecure and also self-centered at times. I have a short fuse where self-pity and self-induced suffering is concerned. Well, I guess I just have a short fuse for stupidity. I believe everyone needs to work for what they have and get infuriated by those who coast through life as if the world owes them something. I also believe relationships should be fair (i.e. If you cook, I’ll clean; I cook, you clean type shit).  I haven’t had the best of luck where men are concerned. I been screwed over and taken advantage of more times than I can count. Some of these relationships resulting in things that I will have to carry with me for the rest of my life and others that I look back on the memories with a smile. My family and my own “personal” life are a bit dysfunctional. Push, pull, spin, twist… Anyway, you get the picture, right?

So here we go…

P.S. I have no clue what I am doing here. I’m just gonna wing it.

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