They stick in my head like the bad taste in your mouth after drinking that shot of cheap vodka you bought from the local liquor store last minute because your “bring a bottle” party turned into a “you pay for everything” party.
I tend to brew on things, brew on words. It could be one word out of an entire conversation. Good or bad. I replay the conversation, the word, over and over again until it makes me sick. Sometimes physically sick depending on the situation. Definitely not one of my better qualities. Stress in my personal life and I do NOT play well together. But hey, that’s just who I am.
I don’t think that I am the only person this happens to. I mean, I have had full blown arguments with people because they read too much in to one thing that I said during a conversation. So it’s not just me… Right?!
Ok, ok.. Back to the point…
Words, music lyrics, movie quotes, novels, articles, even blogs.. They trigger feelings. It might provoke feelings that you can accept, then again, maybe not. These feelings might force you to recall memories that you despise. Feelings that you have filtered out of your every day thoughts for good reason. Scared, sad feelings. There’s words that I hear that make me relive those moments when I thought “what’s the point of going on?” Those words that call to mind that one moment when I realized my life will never, ever be the same.
And then, then there are those words, music lyrics, movie quotes, novels, articles and even blogs that trigger blissful feelings. Like when you are having a bad morning and you look (or feel like you look) horrible, sleepy eyes and red nose, ya know the whole nine and the first thing he says when he sees you is not just “hello” or “what’s wrong,” but he just looks you in the eyes and says “you’re so beautiful.” Those feelings. The feelings when he remembers something about you, when he reminds you of an amazing trait that you thought you might have lost, or remembers something you said, something so silly that you almost forgot it yourself. Those feelings. That moment when he says one thing, just one, that reminds you of those feelings that you had during those beautiful, captivating times you’ve shared. Those feelings. Those words that give you that warm feeling in the pit of your stomach. That feeling. Those are the feelings that you should hold on to. Those are the feelings that I want to hold on to. They have a special lockbox in my mind for those times when I need them the most.
Some days are harder than others. Some words more painful than others. But then, then there are those words that make everything feel easier to endure.